Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by Corbynites.

The Mail can reveal that Corbynites are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

James May said of the Corbynites, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".