The Mail has learned that cyberterrorists are responsible for reading the works of Karl Marx.

Has the world gone mad? Cyberterrorists are reading the works of Karl Marx with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to The Pope, who said "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it."