Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow Guardian-reading do-gooders such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but Guardian-reading do-gooders have this week been revealed as welcoming foreigners.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps Guardian-reading do-gooders would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of An unnamed source who this week said, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that welcoming foreigners is acceptable behaviour.