Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of plotting the overthrow both of the British state and our way of life has been perpetrated by gypsies.

The Mail can reveal that gypsies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium said of the gypsies, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".