The horror or Broken Britain continues this week.

First we learn that setting fire to pensioners whilst high on skunk and crack is becoming ever more common, then we learn that hunt sabateours are plotting to kidnap a senior royal every day.

Among the hardworking Britons to attack hunt sabateours plotting to kidnap a senior royal was Boris Johnson who today said Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..