Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

The Mail can reveal that unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Winston Churchill, speaking through a medium said of the unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".