Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of training in Al-Quaeda terror camps has been perpetrated by gypsies.

The Mail can reveal that gypsies are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the gypsies, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".