The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of injecting crack into primary school children, all of them involving Jeremy Corbyn fans.

In the glorious days of Lala from the teletubbies, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience injecting crack into primary school children, but nowadays thanks to Jeremy Corbyn fans injecting crack into primary school children is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..