Now children are openly being encouraged to flout the laws of morality and the land. Anarchists calling themselves the Wombles have been terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village outside nursery schools.

Terror expert Conservative head office has analysed the phenomenon in a new book which we certainly aren’t plugging although it is available from our bookshop for just £7.99; a fantastic 1.7% discount.

In "Terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village: The True Face Of Evil", Conservative head office says, "I blame all of this on stealth taxes and permissive education in the 1960s.".

A decent "Big Society" that cared about children would bring back hanging for anarchists calling themselves the Wombles. After the hanging the still twitching bodies would be deported to somewhere tropical and foreign.