Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of injecting crack into primary school children has been perpetrated by gangs of children, some still in their prams.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of children, some still in their prams are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Nicolas Sarkozy said of the gangs of children, some still in their prams, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".