The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of urinating on the Union Jack, all of them involving unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

In the glorious days of Conservative head office, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience urinating on the Union Jack, but nowadays thanks to unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace urinating on the Union Jack is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Surely something can be done?.