Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of fighting the poilce has been perpetrated by enviro-Mental-ists.

The Mail can reveal that enviro-Mental-ists are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the enviro-Mental-ists, "I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.".