The Mail has learned that coloureds are responsible for sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone.

Has the world gone mad? Coloureds are sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to The deputy commisioner of the Metropolitan Police, who said "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there."