Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of destabilising the British way of life has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Bernard Jenkin said of the gangs of black youths, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".