The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by, all of them involving Twitter users.

In the glorious days of Michael Howerd, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by, but nowadays thanks to Twitter users injecting crack into the kneecaps of innocent passers by is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..