The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, all of them involving unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

In the glorious days of Jonathan Aitkin, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, but nowadays thanks to unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..