Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of fighting the poilce has been perpetrated by thugs.

The Mail can reveal that thugs are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the thugs, "the day of the yob is upon us".