Now boffins have discovered that louts can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Norris McWhirter, speaking posthumously told me about it, I have been trying to cure urinating on the Union Jack with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out urinating on the Union Jack is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that urinating on the Union Jack is mostly caused by louts, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing louts to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".