Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of helping so-called migrants has been perpetrated by unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

The Mail can reveal that unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jacob Rees-Mogg said of the unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".