Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Richard Littlejohn said of the gangs of black youths, "our prisons are like holiday camps.".