I’m not racist but surely allowing glue-sniffing teenagers to flout our British way of life means that things have gone too far? Terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village is just not British.

Some leftists will predictably argue that glue-sniffing teenagers aren’t terrorising the elderly residents of a tranquil Gloucestershire village in reality. But reality has a well known left-wing bias. Angela Merkel agrees with me, saying today, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

Let’s kick out the sickos and reclaim our traditional British heritage.