Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of drilling for oil in one family's back garden has been perpetrated by gangs of black youths.

The Mail can reveal that gangs of black youths are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Nicolas Sarkozy said of the gangs of black youths, "society needs to condemn a little more and understand a little less.".