Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of welcoming foreigners has been perpetrated by Al Qu’aeda bosses.

The Mail can reveal that Al Qu’aeda bosses are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the Al Qu’aeda bosses, "I have always said if you want a speech, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.".