Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of helping illegal immigrants has been perpetrated by Cherie Blair’s friends.

The Mail can reveal that Cherie Blair’s friends are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Richard Littlejohn said of the Cherie Blair’s friends, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".