Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by lesbians.

The Mail can reveal that lesbians are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Richard Littlejohn said of the lesbians, "Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets.".