Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of terrorising innocent investment bankers has been perpetrated by Noam Chomsky devotees.

The Mail can reveal that Noam Chomsky devotees are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Amanda Platell said of the Noam Chomsky devotees, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".