The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, all of them involving gangs of black youths.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, but nowadays thanks to gangs of black youths pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is The day of the yob is upon us.