Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone has been perpetrated by young single mothers.

The Mail can reveal that young single mothers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

John Major said of the young single mothers, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".