The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of engaging in steamy sex romps, all of them involving hooligans.

In the glorious days of The Pope, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience engaging in steamy sex romps, but nowadays thanks to hooligans engaging in steamy sex romps is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..