Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone has been perpetrated by followers of Hugo Chavez.

The Mail can reveal that followers of Hugo Chavez are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the followers of Hugo Chavez, "But many of the unemployeds had become static and didn’t know that if they got on a bus for an hour’s journey, they’d be in Cardiff and could look for the jobs there.".