Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of smoking skunk in the halls of Parliament has been perpetrated by homosexuals.

The Mail can reveal that homosexuals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the homosexuals, "I think hanging is too good for them; Its time to consider the reintroduction of crucifiction, especially for criminals.".