Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by communist-sympathisers.

The Mail can reveal that communist-sympathisers are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Theresa May said of the communist-sympathisers, "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".