The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of assisting asylum seekers, all of them involving coloureds.

In the glorious days of Bernard Manning, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience assisting asylum seekers, but nowadays thanks to coloureds assisting asylum seekers is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..