The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, all of them involving Al Qu’aeda bosses.

In the glorious days of George Osborne, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals, but nowadays thanks to Al Qu’aeda bosses pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is I like sponge.