Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of using skateboards and yobbish language to molest journalists has been perpetrated by miners, bent on revenge.

The Mail can reveal that miners, bent on revenge are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Pope said of the miners, bent on revenge, "As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood.".