Now boffins have discovered that thugs can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Margaret Thatcher told me about it, I have been trying to cure drilling for oil in one family's back garden with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out drilling for oil in one family's back garden is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that drilling for oil in one family's back garden is mostly caused by thugs, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing thugs to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "Was it for this politically correct insanity that I fought and died in eight world wars? I think not!".