Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields has been perpetrated by lesbians.

The Mail can reveal that lesbians are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Michael Howerd said of the lesbians, "these dole-scrounging n’er-do-wells must be eliminated at all costs.".