The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of looting and pillaging supermarkets, all of them involving miners, bent on revenge.

In the glorious days of Norman Tebbit, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience looting and pillaging supermarkets, but nowadays thanks to miners, bent on revenge looting and pillaging supermarkets is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..