Now boffins have discovered that insane Brussels bureaucrats can cause cancer as well as being, frankly, distasteful.

Docktawh Gillian Keith, speaking from her underground nutrition dome said, "Ever since Enoch Powell told me about it, I have been trying to cure injecting crack into primary school children with a powerful mix of micronutrients, goji berries and spirulina."

She added "As it turns out injecting crack into primary school children is almost completely identical to cancer, in how it affects the balance of our chakras. And everybody knows that injecting crack into primary school children is mostly caused by insane Brussels bureaucrats, who are known to promote a negative orgone balance in the red layer of the energy rainbow."

Of course liberal-minded multiculturalists will no doubt assume that comparing insane Brussels bureaucrats to carcinogens is "racist", but they can’t deny the simple facts of the case. And the Mail is happy to back Gillian’s words; she gave us a fresh insight into Broken Britain by saying, "We are a grandmother".