Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of trolling social media users has been perpetrated by cyber criminals.

The Mail can reveal that cyber criminals are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Queen said of the cyber criminals, "I grew up in the 1930s with an unemployed father. He did not riot. He got on his bike and looked for work, and he went on looking until he found it.".