The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself, all of them involving French unions.

In the glorious days of Some bloke in the pub, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself, but nowadays thanks to French unions smashing up images of our queen of hearts, Lady Diana herself is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is As I look ahead, I am filled with foreboding. Like the Roman, I seem to see the River Tiber foaming with much blood..