Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of threatening to smash up branches of McDonalds and Starbucks has been perpetrated by the unions.

The Mail can reveal that the unions are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Jeremy Clarkson said of the the unions, "we are coming slowly, painfully to an autumn of understanding, I hope it will be followed by a winter of common sense.".