The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of drilling for oil in one family's back garden, all of them involving unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace.

In the glorious days of An unnamed source, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience drilling for oil in one family's back garden, but nowadays thanks to unemployed layabouts demanding benefits with menace drilling for oil in one family's back garden is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..