The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of setting fire to libraries, all of them involving homosexuals.

In the glorious days of Paul Dacre, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience setting fire to libraries, but nowadays thanks to homosexuals setting fire to libraries is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Things got out of hand and we’d had a few drinks. We smashed the place up and Boris set fire to the toilets..