Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of eating babies has been perpetrated by insane Brussels bureaucrats.

The Mail can reveal that insane Brussels bureaucrats are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Conservative head office said of the insane Brussels bureaucrats, "A large proportion of Britain’s Asian population fail to pass the cricket test. Which side do they cheer for?".