Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields has been perpetrated by Jeremy Corbyn fans.

The Mail can reveal that Jeremy Corbyn fans are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

Anne Widdecombe said of the Jeremy Corbyn fans, "a glorious thousand-year reich seems like the only practical choice to stem the tide of economic migrants".