Conservative head office has today said "Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts.".

Speaking at Alton Towers Conservative head office’s comments come in a week that has seen Twitter users involved in sacrificing goats to a gilded image of Ken Livingstone on an ever more frequent basis.

Conservative head office’s comments are both brave and perceptive. In a country where children as young as five are regularly exposed to Twitter users it is about time that someone had the guts to stand up and tell the truth. Twitter users and the liberal communist atheist society that spawns them must be eliminated.