Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow communist-sympathisers such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but communist-sympathisers have this week been revealed as causing cancer.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps communist-sympathisers would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of An unnamed source who this week said, "If only we had a privitised National Identity scheme this would never have happened".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that causing cancer is acceptable behaviour.