The Daily Mail has learned, by imagining them, of literally BILLIONS of incidents of holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, all of them involving Guardian-reading do-gooders.

In the glorious days of A hardworking family, no hardworking family of Britain would expect to experience holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields, but nowadays thanks to Guardian-reading do-gooders holding illegal raves illegally in illegal fields is an everyday occurence.

Frankly, the only thing that any sane person can say is Its the terrorists fault. Watch my eyes. Te-rror-ists. Now I can say anything I like and you’ll think it makes sense somehow. Brilliant. Te-rror-is-ts..