The Mail has learned that homosexuals are responsible for setting fire to libraries.

Has the world gone mad? Homosexuals are setting fire to libraries with impunity. Hanging is surely too good for these no good scum. Why doesn’t the Government use all the money it has stolen from the hardworking families of Britain in stealth taxes to make amends for the situation. Probably because they are too busy lining their pockets!

The Mail spoke to Conservative head office, who said "We need a lot less of the passive tolerance of recent years and much more active, muscular liberalism. Especially for the blacks."